MEMIORS OF A JADED SINGLE GIRL

What’s a girl to do when its drought season and there isn’t a cloud in the sky? Seriously, dating, is complete bullshit. No one does it anymore. Well, I guess some people must, but certainly not anyone I know. I always wonder, how these couples start off? Because I always seem to meet the guys that want to stick n move. Or the ones that want to stick around for all the wrong reasons. A peek into my romantic life, would probably be like an episode of Ripley’s, filled with compulsive “pick a new chic up in the club every night” types, womanizers, man whores, men who like their nipples licked and fondled, men who like rubbing their nasty feet up against you. The ones who leave right after, or the ones who don’t know how, the ones who call constantly and the ones who never call again, the ones who steal your shit and eat up all your food, the ones who expect too much and give too little. The ones that say they love you, but never really mean it. The ones you want but cant have. The emotionally stunted, the physically challenged, the too small, the too weird and the just plain crazy. All that and a bunch in between, its enough to drive a girl insane. I’ll settle for jaded. It isn’t enough that I haven’t even MET someone id even consider biding my time with in QUITE A LONG TIME, but when I settle just for mere companionship, or just, ahem, physical contact, somehow that gets screwed up too. So I did what most do, I looked in the mirror, cause god forbid, all these failed attempts have the same common dominator. Me. But then I realized, I’m fabulous and enough of that. Who wouldn’t want a smart, sexy, witty, fun, hilarious, cause I’m very hilarious, chic woman? I’m independent and self reliant (mostly) and I’m kind and giving and caring and thoughtful. What guy wouldn’t want a girlfriend like that? I cook, very well, ill clean, if forced and I’m loyal and reliable and maternal and I mostly play nice with others. So why, why on earth is it sooo freaking hard, to find Mr. right. I thought I had it, but It was more of a juvenile idol worship kind of thing. I know, creepy. And it isn’t that I haven’t met fantastic guys, I have. But I’m always left with these movie scene whirlwind romantic trysts, which are fantastic, while they last. So when the honeymoon phase is over, I realize, there is nothing solid to sustain this thing besides the initial attraction. Now, lets be honest, drought season sucks for any girl, and sometimes we do what we must, but what do you do when that’s no longer enough? I don’t want the fling, I want the fairy tale. Is that too much to ask? I want a guy that I know Is mine, one that I know will be there the next morning, and the day after that. One I don’t have to be afraid to call over because, “I called him the last time”. So, here I am, in a bit of a fix, I’d like to settle down, but I’m jaded by the whole process. And where would I begin anyway? Do you like, sub conscientiously advertise for a mate? Do I send out some sort of bat signal for lonely single girls? Or do I just wait, like they say, for it to find me? ‘Cause that would suck. I know that as of late, I’ve made myself emotionally unavailable, but that’s only for the ugly dudes!! When the cute ones bite, they are usually full of rat shit. Cant a girl just find something pleasing to the eye AND mind? Someone captivating, with that “sweep you off your feet” quality, someone with some mutual interests, ambition and a hallmark card kind of romantic streak? With southern charm, but not that southern brand of crazy, cause that, well, that’s another story. With wit, so I don’t have to feel like I’m teaching rather than holding a conversation. Uplifting and not threatened, and easy on the eyes, o wait, I said that. Someone that thinks my quirks are cute and charming, someone who wont work my nerves to a point that we cant recover. Maybe I have single girl syndrome, where, I think and act too much like a guy. Maybe I’m not destitute enough or “damsel in distress” enough. Or dumb enough, or is it because I don’t live in my mothers basement, cause these kind of girls have NO problem landing a man. Not sure of the quality of that man, but that’s not for me to judge. Or maybe I’m too ambitious in my quest. Maybe I’m chasing the unattainable. The perfect man that doesn’t even exist. Well I need to know who made him up, and put him out there for women to chase, I owe that person a Brutal Ass Beating.